Dr. Joseph Riggio, PH.D. - Blognostra

Treating People Like Dogs

Good Moring All,

First - I just wanted to take the time upfront to say thanks to all of you who have been taking the time to read what I've been writing here and also to those of you who've taken the time to comment or write to me directly as well.

I've been thinking about some of the things I've been writing here as well as some of the feedback I've been getting ...

One of the things I've been thinking about goes back to my days as a dog trainer. I remember well how we used to treat the dogs we were training. Simply put ... MOST EXCELLENTLY! If we only treated people this way I think we'd get much more of the outcomes we want and also enjoy the process of getting there a thousand times more.

Let me share a few of the steps in the process I used with dogs I trained:

This last point really jumped out at me as I was considering this last night ...

By first putting our attention on generating the context where the performance we wanted was a natural result of being in that context ... getting our outcomes became virtually guaranteed!

Yet what I so often find attests to the opposite as often being the case - people putting their attention on how they aren't getting their outcomes, and by virtue of that sustaining the context that virtually guarantees they won't get their outcomes.

In my "previous life" as a dog-trainer I found that most folks called me only after they'd become hoarse from yelling ... "NO, NO, NO, NO ...! at the top of their lungs for a few days to no avail ... the rugs were still getting urinated on, the furniture was still being chewed, and guests could be virtually guaranteed to get jumped up on and find themselves with a cold, wet nose in their crotch.

In essence what occurs unintentionally leads to establishing and sustaining contexts that oppose what we actually want to be happening - both for ourselves and others. The simplest formula I can think of again comes from dog training. People notice first what they don't want ... we're neurologically "wired" to notice what we perceive as "threat" first. So the sequence that leads to our responses and behaviors typically begins by first noticing for what we don't want.

Beginning from what we don't want virtually guarantees that all of our attention will be on what we don't want.

"Where we put our attention is where we will get our results."

- Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

One way we notice for what we don't want includes avoiding what we think of as "unfamiliar." This phenomena has been referred to as "cognitive dissonance" - and has been reported as generating a stronger negative response than considering our own death. Another way of thinking of this would be to say that: "more than anything else we want what we find familiar - even in comparison to considering our own death."

We could argue that:

Given the choice between doing something differently that you find unfamiliar to get a different outcome, and doing what you've always done even if it means continuing to get the outcomes you've gotten before but don't want ... you'd most likely do what you've always done.

This shows up clearly in the way people will argue for maintaining the context they are in, regardless of the impact it has on the outcomes they produce. One of the most commonest examples of this might be the phrase we've probably all heard:

"We've always done it that way."

People who challenge the "status quo" are referred to as "trouble-makers" and accused of "rocking the boat." ...

---> IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE CALL THOSE WHO TURN THE BOAT OVER!!!

Yet, what I've found myself doing more and more as my knowledge, skills and experience have increased has been becoming more and more of a "Boat Turner-Overer" - especially when it comes to turning over the boats of "context." I've also found consistently that people won't turn over the boats of their own lives without considerable discomfort or by working with a professional they've come to trust first.

It only makes sense, a professional you trust can hold the context in place for you before you are able to for yourself, making it seem comfortable and familiar even before it has become so for you - a "guide" or "mentor" in the mythological context. I learned this as well in my years training dogs and working with their owners - when I was present the dog could and would perform brilliantly, only when the owners could establish and hold the space I had created with and for the dog would they get the same performance.

Usually what I find myself doing first with my clients starts with generating the context in which the outcome becomes possible just as a function of establishing the context - usually by turning over the boat of comfort and familiarity. Of course it takes practice to recognize how to do this and set the context in which the outcome becomes a natural function of the context that's been generated - but learning how to do that "virtually guarantees getting the outcomes you want" - and given that it seems to be more than a fair trade-off in terms of what it takes to learn how.

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ

PS - My schedule just opened for "Exquisite Performance" individual private coaching. If you are interested in doing some coaching with me personally get the information about what you can expect from it and how I'll go about doing it with you at: Exquisite Performance Coaching Services Offered by Joseph Riggio, Ph.D. in the "Services/Coaching" section on my website.

When you're ready to find out more schedule a FREE private tele-conference directly with me to discuss the specifics ... what, how, when ... you'll find a link to do this on the page above as well. (4) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink

Remembering The Good Times

Hello all,

Some people think, "all the good times have come and gone" I think nothing can be further from the truth. However I do think it funny that earlier today I was thinking about writing an article (or a book maybe) with the title,

"The "New Age" Has Come And Gone - And You Missed It!"

What I wanted to write about has to do with the pseudo-scientific/pseudo-magical thinking that I so often associate with those of the "New Age" persuasion. This position can be summed up as in the kind of thinking that suggests,

"If you just believe strong enough and hold onto the good feelings that everything will work out you'll be fine ... BETTER THAN FINE ... everything you've ever hoped or dreamed for will be drawn to you by the powerful attraction of the "love" and "light" you hold in your being and "manifest" right before your eyes."

Well you can count this as equal to the bullsh-t line that, "Capitalism will cure all the ills of humanity." While I am no fan of pseudo-scientific/pseudo-magical "New Age" thinking, I no more of a fan of the "Unbridled Capitalism Club". These positions are just more of the kind of polarity positioning that I find so prevalent in the way the mass media wants to present what they call the "NEWS" and how so many people, especially supposed intellectuals, want to carry on their "discussions" these days.

Yet what I'm finding from my clients when they put their hard-earned money on the table makes it simpler for me to hold an opinion about what really seems to count for more and more folks who are committed to building better lives.

Learning how-to hold a position that allows for noticing "What Works" in the face of all evidence, especially what seems to be evidence to the contrary, and connecting that to "real" skills that produce outcomes - both on one's own and with others - makes all the difference when it really counts.

This has absolutely nothing to do with "just believing in the face of all evidence" nor "unbridled capitalism that justify any and all behaviors intended to produce results at any cost" - it has more to do with how-to operate in relationship to the total system producing outcomes to the greater benefit of all.

This doesn't position getting your outcomes in conflict with the total system, nor suggest that getting your outcomes has any negative overtones in regard to the total system. Let's begin from a different presumption entirely - when you are successful in producing your outcomes as you are acting from within and in regard to the total system, you benefit personally and the system-at-large benefits as well when you succeed.

What you'll find unique in the statement above has to do with the integration of the idea that you can act from a position that organizes you action to produce your outcomes from within and in regard to the system. I'd argue that starting from this position you are residing at the center of a "socially responsible" initiative - one that honors both you personally and the system that contains you.

What makes this position so powerful includes at least two specific aspects:

From this position you are considering both the impact of your actions on and in the system you are operating within (and in relation to), and the impact of the system upon your actions as well. When you hold yourself "at the center of the world" or even "as the center of the world" you are in a powerful position from which to direct your actions to produce specific and potent effects in the system. You are also in a much more powerful position to update in relation to "real-time" information/data as you perceive and experience it emerging in the environment/context.

This last bit about "updating in relation to real-time information/data as you perceive and experience it emerging in the environment/context" holds a real key to being successful in producing your outcomes.

In my mind and from my direct observation this makes what I'm proposing almost diametrically opposed to both "New Age Thinking" and "Unbridled Capitalism" - offering a path that works based on "What Works" as the starting point. Then it continually points to "updating" as the essential quality that allows you to take the precise action in any given moment most likely to produce your outcome - regardless of how you "feel" about doing it or by ignoring the total effect in the system-at-large.

By acting according to the evidence in regard to "What Works" and continuously updating in relation to producing the outcome you move beyond the limiting positions represented by "New Age Thinking" and/or "Unbridled Capitalism" - and this sounds like a good idea to me in these perilous times.

For instance, when half the country wants to pull out of Iraq immediately and damn the consequences, and the other half wants to stay in Iraq indefinitely and damn the consequences - it seems to me that considering the system-at-large from an extraordinary perspective in relation to holding either of those two positions might be called "wisdom" of a different kind.

I'm no political scholar, nor have I ever claimed to be one ... but I do know a bit about how exquisite performers create exquisite performances and they always begin from "What Works" ... and then choose to hold that position, making decisions and taking action, especially in face of all evidence to the contrary - including those who would damn them for their "unreasonableness" in continuing to move in a direction that sometimes only they alone can see.

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ

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