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Making Sense

Posted by Joseph Riggio on Sunday, July 30, 2006

Hello all,

I had the pleasure of attending a friend’s wedding celebration last night, and even the honor and privilege of “charging the couple.” I’ve never heard that term before but I understood it to mean that I was somehow supposed to present some words of wisdom about how to live as a married couple and remind them of their obligations to one another (it was that “charge” word that did it for me).

I’m married myself, but I have no idea that I know what to tell anyone else about being married - except of course my experience of it. So I told them a few things that I have found out that seemed apropos at the time. I said that I learned from my wife that marriage is a commitment you make everyday all over again. That the idea of “getting married” and having it finished and done so you can move on is at best an illusion, more likely a delusion. I told them that I personally learn everyday what it is again to be married and how I can continue to improve within my relationship and become more astute about the wonder and joy I’ve found in this unique form of commitment and coupling. I also spoke some words to them about symbols and ritual, how some people today have begun to think that the symbol and ritual of marriage has become irrelevant. How these folks consider the rite of marriage quaint and out-dated. Yet there is something about acknowledging this commitment and coupling publicly and “officially” for the congregation to see and participate in with you.

And I can assure you that there was a “congregation” last evening - I’m guessing we had representation from every continent and most ethnic groups present in the gathering they invited. There were couples that looked like brother and sister, couples that were to use the quaint form “mixed” and obviously from two remarkably different ethnic backgrounds, there were same sex couples, there were children who represented the beauty of the intermingling present among these couples all. Truly it was a privilege to be asked to participate in such a complete and joyous celebration.

AND - there was dancing, a lot of dancing. The bride was stunning in her ethnic dress donned for the wedding ceremony (I was specifically instructed to show up in “casual formal” dress myself). Then at some point mysteriously she reappeared in a beautiful pants outfit that seems custom made for her to show herself off in while she danced the night away - and she did. She was a whirlwind of movement and grace, joining first her husband in “the dance of life” expressed to the music and through the movements of their bodies swirling together and their smiles lighting the room. Then she danced with family and friends, and most of all I noticed she danced with the children - and others joined in freely, effortlessly, joyfully ... and truly I can tell you that in dance done like this there was joy.

As the night moved on a few people came and spoke to me about my words “charging” the couple and I thanked them for the kindness of their compliments. However, I know that the real message of the evening went far beyond any words I could have chosen to speak and was embodied in the actions present as these disparate groups of former strangers came together to join in this celebration to bring this new entity of my friend’s marriage into the world amid great noise and confusion - as well as overwhelming joy.

Best regards,

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ

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