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The Power of Failure
Posted by Joseph Riggio on Sunday, November 02, 2008As we’re entering the last part of 2008 and those of us in the northern climates are feeling the onset of autumn weather it’s a good time to take stock and begin thinking about how you’ve gotten to where you are and where you want to go from here. Maybe you’ll find that along the way you’ve picked up some baggage you no longer need, and have been judging things by some old “installed” criteria that no longer fit you so well. One of those things might be the education you have or haven’t had yet ... about failing really well.
Good Morning,
To some folks it would seem as though I have been really busy lately ... major client projects I’m working on, serving on a Board of Trustees, serving on some volunteer committees, developing new material for the MythoSelf Process training programs, designing a new professional leadership communication training program, working with private clients, reformatting my radio show on VoiceAmerica.com, multiple writing projects, launching new products for 2009 ... WHEW! And when I’m not doing that (or sleeping) of course I’m carving out time for my family every chance I get, which I make sure is plenty actually ... taking my daughter to school and sometimes picking her up too, cooking dinner for the family, talking with my son and helping him make plans to attend graduate school, spending some time with my wife just enjoying each other’s company. That sure looks like a long list, and I didn’t even try to make it comprehensive ... just what I thought of off the top of my head as I’m writing.
I’m going to guess there are some folks who could give me a run for my money with their own lists. The point is that many people today are busy, some of the folks I work with are among the busiest people I know. Yet what’s interesting is that the best performers I know don’t seem busy. In fact the best performers I know seem to move from one thing to another with both elegance and grace, and they do so as though they have all the time in the world to do it. Unlike the popular impression that the busiest people are the most powerful or successful, what I have found is that the most powerful and successful people I know have all the time they want and need to do what they want. I’d even go so far as to say that the real metric becomes:
“Having all the time you want, to do whatever it is that you want, that is absolutely uncommitted to doing anything because you must or have to, and the means to pursue those things you want to be doing, is the most accurate measure of success you’ll find.”
Most people confuse the phrase in the last part of that sentence, “...and the means to pursue those things you want to be doing ...” as the measure of success. But, having the means and not the time is absolutely useless and some folks have found out either just before or just after their heart attack or stroke. You see I know more and more folks who have begun to reconsider how much they have in terms of “means” in favor of how much they have in terms of “time.” And, these folks are opting to make more from less.
These folks are simplifying their lives in every direction, e.g.: smaller homes, more carefully chosen vacations, less “stuff” they need or want to own (which serves one well when you choose for a smaller home), moving away from the “big metro areas” into more remote and often more beautiful locations for their primary residence ... some folks I know have even taken to moving permanently to their favorite vacation locations as their primary residences. What’s interesting is that these folks are not perceiving their life experience as simpler but rather as more full, complete and whole when I speak with them. They have opted out of the system’s definition of “success” and have begun to redefine it for themselves. In part this redefinition includes doing what they want not necessarily what they “should.”
Very early on in this journey of mine I made a decision to do what I wanted with my life. That decision included dropping out from the standard schooling track, even though I was top honors student when I tried and a very good student even when I didn’t. I just realized at the time that for me an endless track of classroom schooling imposed on me by teachers who would demand that I prove that I’d learned what they wanted me to wasn’t the path to take to keep what I already had, and would more likely corrupt many of my best intincts. I had done enough schooling in school, and had enough schooling outside of school to know that for me what I wanted and needed to learn wasn’t contained in those hallowed halls nor held by those hollow educators.
Now, some folks would look at this and suggest is was a first step to failure and lack of accomplishment (and many did) ... “Oh no! What will you do with a good ("approved") education?”
Now you’ll notice that word “approved” in parentheses there in that quote, yet you’ll seldom hear anyone using it in actual speech. However, that’s exactly what they mean ... that any education that isn’t approved by the system isn’t actually to be considered an education at all. And more and more as we “move forward” the requirement to do anything comes with a price tag on it of having taken the “approved” education to get your ticket punched first. In many ways education today is the “mark of the beast” and if you don’t have it you will have to fight tooth and claw to get pass the prejudice of choosing your own path.
So what do I think the role of formal schooling really is about then? Well that depends on who you ask. For some incredibly gifted and sincere teachers it is a way to expand their student’s minds and their lives. I’ve seen and even worked with those kinds of teachers ... and they are brilliant to be around. For others it is a way to impose the mores of society on the students in their care, teaching them what is right and wrong, what has to be known by everyone for their own good, and in some case literally how to think about things according so some proscribed protocol. Unfortunately in my limited experience, as a student, as a parent, as a faculty member and as a citizen of this great nation that later type is much more common. The system is designed not to educate but to teach:
“educate" [To bring up or guide the powers of, as a child; to develop and cultivate, whether physically, mentally, or morally]
“teach" [To impart the knowledge of; to give intelligence concerning; to impart, as knowledge before unknown, or rules for practice; to inculcate as true or important; to exhibit impressively; as, to teach arithmetic, dancing, music, or the like; to teach morals.]
You see the major difference here is that real education is about helping what’s inside to come to the surface and manifest fully, i.e.: “To bring up or guide the powers of, as a child”, whereas what teaching is about is imparting from the outside in what is desirable for the teacher, i.e.: “To impart the knowledge of; to give intelligence concerning; to impart, as knowledge before unknown, or rules for practice; to inculcate as true or important” This major and critical difference so often goes completely overlooked and therefore missed by even really well meaning parents, and many teachers as well, when they think about schooling children.
And now as I continue to keep my vigil regarding how we are schooling and inculcating our children into our society, as I listen to the drivel of the politicians calling for more schooling and more funding for schooling, I am in ever greater distress. I am distressed specifically because I don’t believe those politicians are among the innocent and ignorant masses who tout the wonders of “Getting a good ("approved") education.” I think they are in fact part of the very system that wants to inculcate children to follow the rules, to do what they are told, not to upset the apple cart or think for themselves.
One of the things I point to most often is how school is more and more becoming a place in the U.S. of A. where you’re not allowed to “fail.” They are teaching that “failure is bad.” For example:
*"There are folks who are against the whole [valedictorian] idea because they don’t like the competitiveness,” says Michael Carr of the National Association of Secondary School Principals.
*In Texas, Indiana and Kentucky, several schools are parading 10 or more of their top students as “valedictorians” on graduation day—making a joke out of a once-great honor. According to the dean of admissions at one California college, some high schools are honoring as many as 50 to 100 “valedictorians.”
This is a total joke!!! What do these folks think they are doing??? Can you imagine in our evolution if some tribal elder had decided on this kind of utter and abject stupidity? “Bruce I know you don’t see so well, and your spear arm isn’t as strong as Larry’s, but we want you to feel like you are just as valued as any other hunter or warrior in this tribe so I want you to lead the hunt today, HO!” That tribe died off, they have no descendants, their genes have been crushed under the hooves of the buffalo that Bruce could neither see nor spear ... gone for all time ... THANK G-D!!!
Yet this is exactly what we are doing to our students today, forcing them to deep mediocrity. For instance Bruce may have been the best woodworker in the tribe, he may have “invented” the practice of hardening spears and arrows in fire. Yet because he was never allowed to fail he was never forced to find his own path, the one where he naturally excelled and where his natural proclivities and fascinations would allow him to excel. This is the very path I find education in the West on today. The path that’s about mediocrity and producing the right kind of worker bee for the system not for the bee. For example:
*"But this Kumbaya attitude has also seeped into classrooms, with potentially serious consequences. A school board in New Hampshire, concerned about undermining the self-image of kids, voted earlier this year to end the practice of breaking students into different groups and teaching them according to their ability. So now the school is “leveling” the groups and teaching everyone together.”
And our freaking genius politicians keep talking about more education and education as the great equalizer (there’s a real revealing statement if I ever heard one) ... and not a peep about real education reform! Not one politician has the guts to stand up to the NEA or the AFT and say, “NO MORE ... NO MORE FUNDING FOR OUR FAILING SCHOOLS ... OR THE SYSTEM THEY SUPPORT! And, it’s not about the schools it’s about the process, the very core pedagogy that we need to revisit.
Somewhere along the way we lost our impetus to test ourselves, and in so testing ourselves find out our limits ... and our strengths. We seem to have built a system where the average became good enough and there was little to no reason to strive for excellence. We have derided those who have achieved excellence and seek to tear down each and every accomplishment that identifies someone as elite. Oh, it’s okay if the system that produces elite performance gets some credit, but not the individual. You just need to read the gossip papers and magazines, to note their sales volume, to collect the headlines they tout and you’ll know all you need to about how we love to see our heroes destroyed in the most public and eviscerating possible manner.
Yet it is in failure that we learn about how to succeed. Success, and even more so excellence, requires risk. But we are taught to be afraid to fail. The message of the larger society is that your failures will be publicly displayed and used to diminish your achievements no matter how great. We are building a culture that derides the “tallest poppy,” the individual who dares to stick their head up and above others as they strive for excellence. When what we need are more opportunities to fail early on so we learn the critical lesson that failure is temporary, as is success. This lesson above all others allows us to take grand risks. Knowing that failure is only temporary and in fact most often a step on the way to the success we desire will allow and encourage us to take the risks required to succeed wildly.
The danger here to the “status quo” resides in the corollary lesson that taking risk, failing and defining success by your own terms will cause many people to opt out, to choose their own path and not the one most desired for them to take by the society they are instructed to serve like good worker bees. The real education is finding out who you are, with all of the accompanying lessons that come with testing yourself to the very limits of your being. Yet even the most simple opportunity to test oneself in the crucible of becoming educated, i.e.: finding out what’s inside that you can bring to the surface and manifest on the outside, has become an issue for concern in our schools, those bastions of good ("approved") education:
*"No more honor rolls, valedictorians, letter grades—how long before schools start to ban simple games like tag? Oh, wait: That happened at a Santa Monica, California, school just a couple of years ago. “In this game, there is a ‘victim,’ or ‘It,’ which creates a self-esteem issue,” the principal explained in a newsletter to parents. Tag would no longer be allowed, unless supervised by adults. Your lesson for the day, kids: School is no place for winners.”
So instead of winners, winners in the game of living their own lives, we are producing a country of well “educated” very busy people without much of a life at all.
I appreciate that I am as busy as I am, but not to busy to stop and smell the rose ... every day. I appreciate that by some fluke I both had the intuition to step away before the inculcation took over completely and convinced me that my role as dictated to me by others was more critical to my well being than stepping away, taking the risks, failing ... and succeeding ... to find my own path. I appreciate that along that path I was fortunate enough to find a few amazing teachers who opened me up to myself ... and to the wonders of this world we share. And, I appreciate that despite all the challenges I see around me, especially at times in our own backyard, I still live in a country where I can write and publish this post at my will.
[*NOTE: All the quotes about schools I’ve used above come from Outrageous! “A” Is for Average Not achievement or accomplishment or All-American. Not anymore. by Michael Crowley at Readers Digest online (http://www.rd.com).]
Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ
Jump Into 2009 With A Running Start ... Join PERSONAL ENHANCEMENT This December ...
I’ll be presenting the last Personal Enhancement programs this year in England on December 8th, and then again in Barcelona on December 10th. Both programs are limited to only ten people each, and are almost always in high demand. This is the only public program I run where I work privately with people in a group format. For a full day I work on issues that the participants want me to work with them on, deliver a ton of material of creating exquisite performances in relation to the issues that come up, and have no agenda whatsoever except delivering on the requests participants bring into the room.
Essentially what I’m doing is hours of private work that I normally charge ten times the amount of what this program fee is for the entire day! If you’re interested give Nancy a call at +1/609-275-1845 or email her at nsriggio@josephriggio.com for full program details and to register.
As always I take participants into these programs on a first come, first serve basis and when I have ten in each program the doors will close for 2008! If you know that you want to kick off 2009 running you can even come to both programs, in England and in Spain, and pay half the normal program fee for the second program ... but please act now ... call or email Nancy today ... I hate having to turn people down because we’ve overrun the room and you’ve asked me too late.
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