spacer
Treating People Like Dogs
Posted by Joseph Riggio on Sunday, August 27, 2006Good Moring All,
First - I just wanted to take the time upfront to say thanks to all of you who have been taking the time to read what I've been writing here and also to those of you who've taken the time to comment or write to me directly as well.
I've been thinking about some of the things I've been writing here as well as some of the feedback I've been getting ...
One of the things I've been thinking about goes back to my days as a dog trainer. I remember well how we used to treat the dogs we were training. Simply put ... MOST EXCELLENTLY! If we only treated people this way I think we'd get much more of the outcomes we want and also enjoy the process of getting there a thousand times more.
Let me share a few of the steps in the process I used with dogs I trained:
(It never made any sense to think about asking our dogs to interact with us or especially to perform for us before we'd established a relationship with them)
(Almost any behavior could be elicited and encouraged using positive reinforcement, and then produced at will when desired)
(Unless we were clear with the dogs about what we wanted there was no way they could do what we were expecting ... and the most important thing this allowed us to do was to always be rewarding and praising our dogs for what they were doing, never basing our interactions on fear and punishment)
(The context exerts such a powerful influence on the performance that attending to it first and foremost virtually guaranteed getting the outcomes we wanted to be producing)
This last point really jumped out at me as I was considering this last night ...
By first putting our attention on generating the context where the performance we wanted was a natural result of being in that context ... getting our outcomes became virtually guaranteed!
Yet what I so often find attests to the opposite as often being the case - people putting their attention on how they aren't getting their outcomes, and by virtue of that sustaining the context that virtually guarantees they won't get their outcomes.
In my "previous life" as a dog-trainer I found that most folks called me only after they'd become hoarse from yelling ... "NO, NO, NO, NO ...! at the top of their lungs for a few days to no avail ... the rugs were still getting urinated on, the furniture was still being chewed, and guests could be virtually guaranteed to get jumped up on and find themselves with a cold, wet nose in their crotch.
In essence what occurs unintentionally leads to establishing and sustaining contexts that oppose what we actually want to be happening - both for ourselves and others. The simplest formula I can think of again comes from dog training. People notice first what they don't want ... we're neurologically "wired" to notice what we perceive as "threat" first. So the sequence that leads to our responses and behaviors typically begins by first noticing for what we don't want.
Beginning from what we don't want virtually guarantees that all of our attention will be on what we don't want.
"Where we put our attention is where we will get our results."
- Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
One way we notice for what we don't want includes avoiding what we think of as "unfamiliar." This phenomena has been referred to as "cognitive dissonance" - and has been reported as generating a stronger negative response than considering our own death. Another way of thinking of this would be to say that: "more than anything else we want what we find familiar - even in comparison to considering our own death."
We could argue that:
Given the choice between doing something differently that you find unfamiliar to get a different outcome, and doing what you've always done even if it means continuing to get the outcomes you've gotten before but don't want ... you'd most likely do what you've always done.
This shows up clearly in the way people will argue for maintaining the context they are in, regardless of the impact it has on the outcomes they produce. One of the most commonest examples of this might be the phrase we've probably all heard:
"We've always done it that way."
People who challenge the "status quo" are referred to as "trouble-makers" and accused of "rocking the boat." ...
---> IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE CALL THOSE WHO TURN THE BOAT OVER!!!
Yet, what I've found myself doing more and more as my knowledge, skills and experience have increased has been becoming more and more of a "Boat Turner-Overer" - especially when it comes to turning over the boats of "context." I've also found consistently that people won't turn over the boats of their own lives without considerable discomfort or by working with a professional they've come to trust first.
It only makes sense, a professional you trust can hold the context in place for you before you are able to for yourself, making it seem comfortable and familiar even before it has become so for you - a "guide" or "mentor" in the mythological context. I learned this as well in my years training dogs and working with their owners - when I was present the dog could and would perform brilliantly, only when the owners could establish and hold the space I had created with and for the dog would they get the same performance.
Usually what I find myself doing first with my clients starts with generating the context in which the outcome becomes possible just as a function of establishing the context - usually by turning over the boat of comfort and familiarity. Of course it takes practice to recognize how to do this and set the context in which the outcome becomes a natural function of the context that's been generated - but learning how to do that "virtually guarantees getting the outcomes you want" - and given that it seems to be more than a fair trade-off in terms of what it takes to learn how.
Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ
PS - My schedule just opened for "Exquisite Performance" individual private coaching. If you are interested in doing some coaching with me personally get the information about what you can expect from it and how I'll go about doing it with you at: Exquisite Performance Coaching Services Offered by Joseph Riggio, Ph.D. in the "Services/Coaching" section on my website.
When you're ready to find out more schedule a FREE private tele-conference directly with me to discuss the specifics ... what, how, when ... you'll find a link to do this on the page above as well.
(4) Comments •
(0) Trackbacks •
Permalink
As someone who for years has experienced the effects of Joseph turning over my boat, rocking the very foundations of my world and sometimes generating in me an extreme discomfort...with phenomenal results 
) .... this posting made me smile..[or maybe it was a joyous bark!] it felt so familiar…
How many times I’ve thought.. ‘What is he doing..?’ ‘Why is he saying that?’ or even sometimes when I’ve really been pushed to my limits.. ‘I hate him’ or ‘why isn’t he responding to me’ when all the time I now know he was holding the space for me to become me.. being both a ‘monster’ and a magnificent and enlightened teacher..
And by golly it works… I have experienced such phenomenal shifts in my life.. and now, on the verge of a new emergence.. he’s there again… holding that space...as I am now for others too in my own work..
I first spotted Joseph in 1994 on an internet list.. and followed my fascination.. I look back from now and see what a wise choice I made to choose him as my guide…
My life works; I am following my fascinations...I am aware of the enormous potential I am..and I know that whatever happens is part of the journey home… AND even through the chaos and challenges...I am not easily swayed.. I know who I am and where I’m going… even if I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.. it doesn’t matter… I am on my path…
and sometimes it even feels good! very good!
Peta Heskell
http://www.attractionacademy.com
Peta,
How very flattering ... thank you.
More than that, I’m extremely pleased as I both watch and experience your ongoing success ... may there be much more for you as you go.
Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
I’m great at knowing what I don’t want, but when I’m able to flip it around, I reach my outcomes much more frequently...but I do find myself expecting things to be different by still doing the same things, which really doesn’t make too much sense at all when I think about it.
For me, it’s being ready and willing to step into the unfamiliar, unknown territory in order to really have my life - the best one - so, letting go of what’s familiar and assuming the risk, ya’ know? But, I think it’s a question of timing too, it needing to be the right time (or is this just an excuse?!?). Will the familiar begin to get uncomfortable just enough to push someone into the enchanting land of Narnia? or Oz? or Middle Earth?
When you work with clients, do you generate a different context for them and then they decide what they want, allowing for them to reach their outcomes? Or, does someone have to know what he wants in order for the contextual changes to occur?
Joseph, I LOVE your blogs and what you’re putting out here for anyone and eveyone to pick up. Your posts always seem timely for me and applicable too. I hope that others are finding them as valuable as I do. They always give me a little something to chew on throughout my day. A heart felt thank you!!!
Allison
Allison,
You’re most welcome ... and your notes back are much appreciated as well. It has been an interesting process putting out a blog as intense as mine in regard to my time input and topics I’m addressing “blind.”
I don’t really know who reads it (or not) each time I’m writing and yet I have in mind a desire to communicate these ideas with those who are interested in them - so when you tell me that are useful to you I am appreciative of the ability to make contact in this unique way.
Regarding my experience working with clients, I’ve found it absolutely essential to establish the context first ... and only then to allow the desire to emerge from there. Only when the context allows for an uninhibited experience can desire actually be known.
Knowing exactly how to establish the context in a way that totally serves my clients, and having the requisite skills to do so has taken years for me to develop (more than twenty at this point). However, I’ll offer one specific insight ... the most basic skill has been learning in an ever greater way how to be and remain open, authentic and transparent myself.
I’ve found this to be a two-step process - first, being ever-more true to myself, and second, being present to the two-way exchange that occurs between my clients and myself when I am this way.
What I find this rests upon more than anything else could be summed up in the idea I presented in today’s blog ... trust. Until we establish this two-way trust in our relationship there will be little that will get done in our work together. When trust becomes a part of the relationship an amazing opportunity for establishing the context I describe becomes possible.
Thank you again,
Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
